The Grind

Living with regret sucks. Since the perfect life is a made up idea, everyone has things they wish they would have done differently. Sometimes it's early enough where a change is possible, but sometimes it's too late. For the longest time, I told people that my biggest regret in life was not catching a flyball in deep left center during the state semifinal baseball game the summer after my senior year of high school. I took a bad route at the ball, had to dive awkwardly, and it hit off my glove. It was the 8th inning, the bases were loaded at the time.. and all three runs scored to tie the game 11-11. We lost in extra innings, then lost the next day too and the greatest team I had ever played on was no more. I have much to be happy about for what I was able to do on the diamond over the course of my life, but still it's the one play that August night in Beloit that I see over all others when I close my eyes. The whole game of "what if?" that I'll never be able to completely answer or fully shake...

Now, of course, that seems like a pretty silly regret compared to how most people might answer the question. You might say I've been pretty lucky if that's the top one on my list. But say I make that catch, we win that game and ultimately win the state championship. We go to Indianapolis for the regionals and I keep hitting the ball like I had been (won't get into details, but it was silly), and some scout or coach sees me, gets the ball rolling and things happen from there. I'm not saying that would have happened... not even saying that was at all likely... just that because I wasn't there, I'll never know. I get bummed out sometimes that I never got to a point in baseball where I knew I had gone as far as I could go. And I'll always wonder because of that. And always wonder what that one play may have cost me...

So I've basically decided that I'm not going to let that happen when it comes to poker. I'm going to take my shots. I finally decided to roll up my sleeves last year and try to qualify for the World Series. Now that my foot has been in the front door, I want to check out the entire mansion. One reason I've never really considered playing poker for a living is that I suck at the grind. I have trouble playing many, many hours at low stakes trying to turn a small profit. I get antsy and start to play bad. I'm never going to be in a situation where I get myself in trouble financially, but my poker bankroll has certainly seen some crazy swings over the last few years. My biggest flaw is that sometimes the big picture evades me. I fail to grasp that one night is merely the tiniest percentage of a lifetime playing. The game is a marathon and not a sprint. But it's hard to shake a nickname like Wheels sometimes...

The main event of the World Series of Poker starts July 3rd in Vegas. I very might could play and go out earlier than last year. But I'm gonna take my shot. That's one thing I won't regret...